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Today is May 4, which, when read aloud in the English language, sounds like “may forth,” which is close enough to the iconic sci-fi series Star Wars oft-repeated line “may the force (be with you)” that the day has become sort of an informal holiday where people talk about Star Wars stuff and The Brands play along, hoping to make you love them just a little bit more. Porsche played along this year with a tweet, but I’m not sure they really thought through the full implications.
Here’s the tweet in question:
Okay, so what Porsche is playing on here, with the Tacayns, Cross Turismo (the wagon) and the normal fastback sedan, is a visual association with Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader, the most famous representations of the light and dark side of the Force, roughly analogous to good and evil.
In this case, the Taycan Cross Turismo on the left is Luke, and is set in a desert scene, much like Luke’s home planet of Tatooine, home to the Mos Eisely cantina, where every Thursday Twi’leks drink free! Just park your droids outside.
On the right, in that black void, is the Taycan fastback, and its black color and environment evoke Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, Haver of Several Rocker Switches on His Chest.
The other key visual here are the colors of the cars’ taillights, which are a vivid green for the Taycan wagon and a normal taillight red for the black Taycan.
These colors are in reference to the light saber colors used by Luke and and Vader, respectively. These light saber colors also, in hardcore geek Star Wars lore, have broader associations. This Vox article explains, and includes a chart, part of which I’m reproducing here:
See that? Green is listed as having a “mood” of “peace though force, when necessary,” and red’s mood is “evil and power.”
So, in Porsche’s visual analogy, taillight color stands in for light saber color.
But what do we know about the taillight colors of every single Porsche ever made? And, let’s be honest, pretty much every single car on the road today? What color are they, again?
So, Porsche social media person, let’s break down what you’re saying with this tweet: Every single car driving around on the roads today, globally, is part of the Dark Side. These cars are associated with evil and power.
Not only that but government standards all over the globe mandate red taillights, meaning that, according to the world implied by this tweet, all of the world’s governments are controlled by the Dark Side of the Force.
Sure, you can order green taillights — but they’re not legal anywhere. Think about that, it’s illegal to display taillight colors that Porsche tells us are what the Light Side of the Force uses.
If Porsche is right here, we’re fucked. All of us. The whole of Earth is under control of the Dark Side, and there’s nothing we can do about it. The cars that every one of us own are shining Sith-Red taillights out there (maybe amber when turning and white when reversing, but still) and that does not bode well for the fate of all life.
Thanks a lot, Porsche. Thanks for ruining everything.